FAQ's

Its a frequently asked question

You’ve answered your own question there.

No, we just like taking the piss. It’s a lost art.

Online. We don’t have any physical shops. However we do have an office and workshop in Sunderland, UK.

We  aim to be awake and manning the emails from 9am until 9pm every day.

For our unisex garments we predominantly use Gildan attire, which is very generously sized.  You can quite comfortably go shoplifting in our gear, no problem. Size guides can be found by clicking on the Size Guides link at the bottom of the page and are also often included in the product gallery for each individual product.

Socks are dispatched the next working day (Mon-Fri).

Doormats take 5 working days to process as they’re painted by hand and made to order.

For everything else, we will make and dispatch your order within three working days of your order being placed.

Lets be honest, you thought it’d say “shove it up yer arse” or “fuck. right. off.” here didn’t you? Ah that one was too easy so we let it go.  If we’ve fucked up, get in touch via the contact us section at the bottom of the page and we’ll try and fix it. If we can’t then you can have a refund if you send the original item back. For full legal stuff, see our returns page (also at bottom of this page).

No. We did at first but decided to get rid. There are three reasons for this…

  1.  We found that on the rare occasion any of our customers have a problem, 99% of them prefer to send us an email. We check our emails several times a day.
  2.  As a small business, we don’t have the time or the staff to man the phone. Also, we’re usually too busy making t-shirts or painting doormats to answer a phone. We like to concentrate on making things for you lot.
  3.  When we had our number listed/advertised we were getting absolutely spammed to fuck. Repeatedly having to put ones paintbrush down, run towards the phone covered in paint, only to be told by a robot that they’ve heard that I’ve been in a road traffic accident that wasn’t my fault, is NOT fun let me tell you! Fuck that.